This is day 2 since I commit myself again to wake up at 6am to spend time with the Lord.
I found that after all, the only thing that matters is to love the Lord and be loved by Him. I pray that I can feel His love and abide in Him always.
I have been working full time in a house of prayer for over 2 years already. But I am ashamed to admit that I spend very little, or virtually no time praying privately. I do spend time to do devotional stuff. But it was limited to studying the bible or listening to sermons. That’s probably the only thing in the Kingdom of God that I enjoy to do. However, lately I found that I became more and more negative inside. I am easily offended by people. I have envy, bitterness, anger, lust and other bad things inside of me. I can feel that my heart growing cold. I believe that there is something wrong with my devotional time which made me backslid. What I did is knowing about God but not knowing Him personally. I must get back on track by spending more time beholding His mercy.
When I meditated on psalm, it took a lot of effort to convince myself that I am the person who are receiving His love and mercy. It felt much harder than the old days. Maybe I really have fallen a bit away from His love. But I believe if I continue to meditate on His word, I will be more convinced that I am the one that He loves. And this faith is going to make His love more real and tangible in my life. I have had enough of my dull spiritual life. I must feel the love of my Lord or I die.
Love
Mike
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